In the Talkies
by wolfbadtreepretty
Summary: The week before Christmas, 2012. Lorelai and Jess, talking and drinking. An addendum to 'Tar and Pearls' & 'Spar. Rant. Deal.'


**In the Talkies**  
><strong>Lorelai and Jess, talking and drinking. An addendum to Tar and Pearls &amp; Spar. Rant. Deal.<strong>  
><strong>The characters and universe within do not belong to me.<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'm...I'm a square peg and Rory's a round hole."<p>

Lorelai giggled. "That sounds like a personal problem to me."

He sighed, slumping further down on the couch. He should have known that drinking with Lorelai was an awful idea. "Drinking with you was an awful idea."

"Well, yeah." She looked at him, eyebrows wide in 'Duh'. "We hate each other. If it weren't for Luke, we would never talk ever again."

"I don't hate you."

"You hate me a little."

"A lot," he admitted. "Well, sometimes."

With a sigh, Lorelai visibly attempted to regain her composure, turning to face him more fully. Resolutely, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Okay. Rory's a round hole," she began, managing not to giggle at all. "And you're a square peg. What's haps?"

"Like..." he started but trailed off. "I try and try to...to fit into her life."

"No you don't."

"My story, thank you."

She held up her hands. "Continue, Mister Ornery."

"I try to fit, I always did."

Lorelai stared at him, eyebrows hitched up and lips slightly pursed.

"But it just doesn't...work."

"Is that the problem?"

He nodded, lolling his head onto the back of her couch. "Yeah. That's the problem."

"I don't think so."

"I thought you were listening."

"Dude, do you want to wallow about your six hundredth break-up with yet another blue eyed brunette not named Rory or not?"

"Not."

"Then you get to listen to my glorious insight."

He grimaced before brightening minutely. "Celia had red hair."

"It was auburn," Lorelai corrected, then finished off her beer. "And she had Rory's nose. Totally and completely discounts...everything."

"Beth was blonde."

"You hated Beth. She was vapid and blonde and short. Now, shut up," she ordered, gesturing wildly with the beer bottle still in her hand.

He eyed his own bottle on the coffee table, but thought it was too far away. "Mmkay."

Lorelai cleared her throat, preparing for her Wise Insight. "Okay, so, it isn't that whole geometric and vaguely pornographic problem you keep blathering on about."

"I mentioned it twice."

Pointedly ignoring him, she continued, "It's that you and Rory are at, like, different time-space continuums."

"You've talked to Liz about Rory and I." He scrunched his nose. "And me."

"Like, when you're ready for her, she's just getting over you."

"And when she's ready for me, she's in love with someone else," he replied morosely.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed, pointing a finger in the air. After a second, she thoughtfully scrunched one eye closed. "Wait, no, I was gonna say that when Rory is ready for you, you're just finding out to be happy with someone else. Usually someone who looks like Rory."

"Dawn didn't look like Rory."

"Brown hair, blue eyes, fair skin, 5'7"."

"Dawn was 5'7½"."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Whatever. A full half-inch difference. _Any_way," she continued with a reprimanding expression. "I think you two will be like me and Luke. You'll take awhile to get there, but you will."

"Did it hurt, physically, to say that?"

"I might need to go to the emergency room."

He rolled his eyes, sighing deeply. "I think Rory and I are done."

"You and Rory have been done, like, four times." She gestured at him with the mouth of her bottle and her index finger. "You're beating Dean."

"Thanks for that reminder."

"And Logan."

"More thanks."

"And that guy she had the really bad date with that one time."

He narrowed his eyes. "Naked guy or urine mints guy?"

"Do you know everything about my daughter?"

"Nearly."

She stuck out her tongue. "Apparently not. She never dated Naked Guy. She turned him down for Logan."

Jess grimaced. "I look at the other guys she's dated and it merits some serious personal reflection."

"Only you would realize that while drunk."

"I'm sobering up."

That time, Lorelai grimaced, hopping up from the couch unsteadily. "No! Mustn't do that. More beer!"

"More beer!" he cheered, liking the idea of not having to reach all the way to the coffee table for his half-full brew.

From the kitchen, she called, "When do you think Luke and Rory will be back?"

"What are they doing?"

"Christmas shopping."

"What's today?" Jess wondered.

"Uhm." There was a pause and the clinking of bottles. "Sunday."

"And Christmas is Tuesday?" he asked over the sound of caps being popped.

"Yeah."

He shrugged as she walked back into the living room. "I wouldn't expect them before Thursday."

"So we have plenty of time," she noted, handing him a bottle as she plopped onto the couch beside him.

"Do you really think we'll get there?"

She shrugged. "Luke and I did. And it took us awhile."

"We're at the eleven-year mark."

After a pull off her beer, she replied, "Luke and I took twelve to get married."

"But eight to get together."

"But then we broke up."

"But only for a year."

"We've been here."

"I thought that rock was familiar."

Snuggling into the couch, she cast a glance at the television. "When did the movie end?"

"When the tape clicked over. Which, who the hell still uses tapes?"

"They make me nostalgic."

"For eight tracks?"

"And cassettes."

He rolled his eyes again. "That's why we have MP3s."

"I don't have an MP3 player.

"Well, pray real hard to Santa Claus."

"You don't pray to Santa, you write, and if I send it now, with the mail volume...it'll be late."

Eying her critically, he shook his head. "No sleeping."

"But I'm sleepy."

"But you're the hostess."

"But you're technically family."

"But not yours."

"You're my favorite nephew-in-law."

"Don't make it creepy for me to be in unrequited love with your daughter."

"It's been creepy for years," she retorted.

"Har har."

Lorelai yawned. "Hee hee."

"No sleeping. Rory said we have to be up to help unload."

"But then we might see out presents," she said, closing her eyes.

He shook her shoulder. "No sleeping." On cue, he yawned.

"Just resting my eyes," she muttered. "Do you think Rory got me an MP3 player?"

"I know what she's getting you," he pointed out.

"I know what she's getting you."

He settled into the couch, shifting slightly. "What?"

"A round peg so you won't be made fun of in the locker room."

"Go to sleep."

"A square hole, so you won't be lonely."

"I'm going to sleep."

"Ooh, a RealDoll."

"I woke you up, didn't I?"

Lorelai just grinned. Well, then she continued to torment Jess. However, for a moment, she just grinned.


End file.
